In an instant...

Matt and I had a lunch date today...something that is a bit unusual for us and something I was really looking forward to.  I drove down a road that I often drive down and dropped the kiddies off at a friends house, and within a few minutes I was back on that same road going to pick up Matt.

As I turned back onto that road literally seconds in front of me one of the most horrible accidents I have ever seen took place.

Seconds....seconds...seconds....

Minutes before I had been in that exact spot with both of my children in the car with me....and seconds after it took place I was in that exact spot again, but this time alone.

I was the second on the scene. 

Three cars.

One completely upside down and badly damaged.

Seeing a car like that is horrible...it's something you should never see and my mind instinctively didn't want to look at it...I found my eyes squinting and darting away from it.

My reactions were not what I expected them to be...I stopped my vehicle.  I joined others that rushed onto the scene to make sure everyone that was alright.  I found some that seemed to be in shock and some minor cuts (I was too far away from the upside down vehicle and others were over by it).  I made sure someone had called 911.

And then my mind kept telling me to leave. 

Leave.

I had not actually witnessed the accident take place.  I would be no help to emergency crews.  Honestly my vehicle is pretty big and I was afraid I would be in the way.

Leave.

Leave.

pray.  pray.  pray.

After I pulled away I started crying.  What the hell was I doing?!  I was second on the scene of a major accident.  I needed to be there to help.  I have an emergency kit in my car that may have helped with some of the minor injuries until emergency crews arrived.  What if someone was still trapped in the overturned vehicle??!

I pulled into Matt's place of employment and sat shaking and teary eyed in my car.

pray.  pray.  pray.

I did what I knew I could do...I prayed. 

pray.  pray.  pray.

Later that day I called my friend Stacey.  I told her about everything that had happened and about how disappointed I was with myself for my reactions. 

Stacey listened and then said, "Jamie, were you called to pray?"

Yes.

She continued, "Jamie, God could have put you in that exact situation at the exact time that he did not because he expected you to help physically....but because He knows you...and He knows that you will pray....and that may be more important than anything else you could have done in that moment."

As I sit here typing this I am still shaking a bit.  I keep checking the news channels and websites for any updates on the accident...and I keep praying.

"I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go."

--Abraham Lincoln

P.S.  Thanks Stacey...love you girl.