But I never knew exactly how tough it would be at times. The past few days have been one of "those times" for me. I've been struggling with a few things...wondering if I'm doing the best job I can at this thing called Motherhood.
Jackie Kennedy once said, "If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do matters very much."
I love that quote.
God entrusted me with these two precious little beings. It's an amazing responsibility.
The only problem is that, unfortunately, they don't come with instruction manuals!!
Some days I feel like I've got it all figured out...and then there are days like the last few. Days where I end up in tears at night because I'm certain I'm doing a fairly good job of screwing them up.
The doubts creep in...
Am I being too hard on them? Am I being hard enough? Am I spending enough quality time with each one of them? Am I teaching them social graces and manners? Am I getting angry too much? Am I showing them how to just let loose and have fun? Am I spoiling them? Am I making them work hard enough? Am I teaching them enough? Am I modeling behaviors I want them to have?
Honestly, my list could go on and on. I am my own worst critic, and I can be pretty hard on myself. This is all compounded when one of my little angels seems to be a bit "off"....showing a side to his or herself that I find unappealing or even hurtful.
Who would have thought a small child can hurt your feelings...but they do. And it hurts you deep to your core because they are an extension of you.
So what is a mom to do?
Tonight I sat in bed and snuggled one of them until they fell asleep in my arms. I sat there and watched them sleeping..and silently prayed over and over that God would continue to fill the void where I fall short, because I know I do.
I have to trust Him.
That can be hard for a control nut like myself....but I'm workin' on it.
"You will turn over many a futile new leaf until you learn we must all write on scratched out pages."
--Mignon McLaughlin
4 comments:
You just beautifully shared what each of us go through in our mothering thought processes. I can't imagine being a mom without having God's help!
Couple of things-first off, that picture of you and your little girl is precious. Secondly, while I am not a mother I appreciate your honesty about the up's and down's of motherhood. I am sure you just related to so many people who have experienced the same doubts, insecurities, and frustrations. From what I can tell you are doing a fantastic job as a momma and your kids are SO lucky to have you as their mom!
Love,
-Erin
You are an amazing mom!!! I struggle with this too, daily! Being a mom is a tough job. Your kids are SO blessed to have you as their mom. AND...my kids are SO blessed to have you as an aunt! They adore you! I'm not sure there is anyone who can top Aunt Jamie!!! :) Love you!
ps ~ "you look like a million bucks" ha!! She told me later you were "absolutely gorgous"!!
Love your honesty! Sometimes I think that we can make ourselves NUTS trying to be perfect for our kids because we LOVE THEM SO MUCH! I think so often that we only get on shot at raising them and I want to be perfect!! But once that idea starts creeping into my head I tend to be so much worse of a mom!!! Keep praying and keep loving those little ones! And ...relax haha and that's a hard one to do for us all!
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