No One Tells You About This One....

When I was preparing to become a mother I found myself continuously preparing. Preparing the house. Preparing the nursery. Preparing for the birth. Preparing...preparing...preparing.

On top of that people (especially new mothers) are more than willing to give you advice. Advice on how to get through the labor. Advice on how to feed your newborn. Advice on how to get your child to nap. Advice...advice...advice.

I will be honest...by the time I was ready to give birth I felt prepared. And looking back I really think I was prepared.

But there was one area of motherhood that no one really talks about and I was NOT prepared for...

MOMMY GUILT.

Mommy guilt can hit me and I feel like I just got hit by a Mack Truck. And the thing I've learned is Mommy guilt doesn't seem to end.

When my children were newborns the guilt would come in the form of feeling bad if I got them off of their schedule. I was also still working at that point and the guilt I would feel when I would leave my child to go to work was sometimes completely consuming. It crushed me.

As my children have gotten older the guilt can come at me in many different forms....

I will feel guilty if I feel I haven't spent adequate play time with my children during the course of a day (due to getting housework done, all of us running errands, etc).

I feel guilty if I forget an appointment or GASP!! - even worse - I actually drove my daughter to school on a day the WHOLE SCHOOL was closed! Ya. It's the truth. (only I honestly didn't feel guilty about this one because Eva, Jaden, and I were all laughing so hard when we pulled into the school and realized we were the only ones in the parking lot!).

The guilt crushes me when I have my hands full with dinner and one of my children says, "Mommy, will you play with me?"

I feel guilty when I spend time on ME....time that could be spent on THEM.

The list is endless.

I know that it's important for my children to be able to play on their own. I know that it's important that I get things done around the house. I know that any ordinary mom accidentally misses an occasional appointment (although I may be one of the few that has drove her child to school when it was CLOSED!!! - ha!).

I know all that.

But it doesn't make the guilt just go away. I (as all mothers do) want so badly for my children to have memories of a wonderful childhood. A childhood where their Mommy played with them and created special memories with them. I have amazing memories of my childhood.

Sooo...I decided to ask my mom about all this. I asked her about my childhood. She reminded me that yes, she played with me.

But she also did all the laundry.
And cleaned the house.
And cooked.
And ran errands.
And watched General Hospital every day (I died laughing when she reminded me of this).
And taught exercise classes.
And that is just the tip of the iceberg.

And I still have amazing memories of my mom running around the yard with us, and painting our faces, and playing games, and making us special lunches, and taking us on special trips. Amazing amazing memories.

So...I will keep my head up and continue to tell myself that I am doing all I can to raise these little people right. To raise them to understand that even though they are my world, my world can not completely revolve around them.

And I will NOT feel guilty about it.

Ok...maybe just a little.