It was good. My heart was full.
Fast forward a few years and how times have changed as far as how "busy" looks. While our days use to be full of make-believe, and stories, and sidewalk chalk.....our days now are filled with school, and sports, and travel teams. A typical day looks like this:
Get Greyson and Jaden to school.
Get Eva to school (an hour later).
(Run errands, housework, volunteer, etc. while they are at school)
Get Greyson off the bus.
Get Jaden off the bus.
Homework.
Chores.
Pick up Eva from school.
Take Jaden to practice.
Take Eva to practice.
Take Greyson to practice.
Prep dinner.
Pick up Jaden.
Pick up Greyson.
Pick up Eva.
Dinner.
Homework.
Bedtime.
It is still good. My heart is still full.
However....I have found at this season of life it's so easy to become distracted and not keep my eyes focused on the big picture. At a time when so many people are telling me, "this practice is important, and this game is important, and this club is important"....I want to grab my child, put my hand over their heart and say, "No, THIS is important".
Simply put, I have to force myself to remember that I am not raising a "basketball player" or a "soccer player" or an "honor roll student".......I am raising a human being. A vital member of society. A child of God.
I often tell my children that basketball (or soccer or whatever else) is WHAT YOU DO....it is NOT who you ARE. Their worth has NOTHING to do with anything that happens on a court or in a field....and it never will. I don't want their high school or college years to come to an end and they feel lost because so much of who they were was focused on that ONE aspect of their life.
They are sooooo much more than that. They bring soooooo much more to the table.
As a parent, it's a constant battle to make sure my priorities are where they need to be. I am definitely not always perfect - I have made plenty of mistakes - but here are a few things I have done that help to keep our focus on what truly matters in life:
Family dinner. Sometimes we don't eat until 8:00 at night (or later) - which is crazy since we also have a 7 year old and that's technically bedtime - but we do it. It's more important to me that we sit down, rather than eating in shifts or in the car. Now, don't get me wrong - at times we DO have to do either of those things - but in general we eat TOGETHER.
Church. I'll be honest...we have been bad about this lately......but I TRY to make sure we are attending regularly. Even when the kids pout and don't want to go. Even when it's the only day we have with a bit of a break in it. The problem we are running onto more and more is that it is NOT a day with a break - the kids have sports competitions on Sundays too now. I recently told them I was going to start finding a church in whatever city we are in and we are attending in the morning. I can't say they were happy about that. At all. However - I am trying to keep my eyes on the big picture and attending church regularly is important in so many ways.
Bedtime Prayers. Kids don't outgrow them. We have prayed with our children before bed since they were babies. Our oldest is 14 and we still sit and pray with her every single night. I have started asking them if there is anything specific they want me to pray for - and sometimes that really opens up a window into their heart. Often I find they are worrying about something I had no idea about! A few times it has even been something they heard about on the news!! Taking the time to pray together daily connects us.
Highs and Lows. Nearly every day (usually over dinner) I ask each of the kiddos what the best thing was that happened to them that day - and the worst thing. As with bedtime prayers, this often opens a little window into their heart. Sometimes their highs make me laugh, and sometimes their lows give me a heads up that further conversation may be needed at a more private time.
Make ordinary time sacred. Car rides use to be just that....a car ride. Not any more. There are times I drop Eva off at 6:30 in the morning and don't see her again until 8:00 at night. That means that the car ride for drop off and pick up are some of the only times I get with her. MAKE IT COUNT. Don't blindly just listen to music and zone out. TALK. Actually.....better yet.....don't talk. I've learned that the best way to get THEM to talk is to simply be silent. They open up when given the space. Use those seemingly insignificant car rides to connect.
Do What's Right for YOUR Family. I get one chance to raise these kiddos. ONE. I'm not going to let a sports team - or a school for that matter - dictate how I do it. When I pick one of my kiddos up for an ortho appointment, we often enjoy a lunch date too. Does the school like it? No. I don't care, because I know that time is important. Family trip? I have no issues pulling them out of school for a few days. The time together and memories made will last a lifetime. That being said, my husband and I are both former teachers - I can assure you all homework is made up! Ha! Sports - especially travel sports - can CONSUME YOUR LIFE. Don't let it. You are the parent and have full authority to put your foot down. We have skipped tournaments, as well as practices when we feel our family life getting out of balance. When we see our child starting to show signs of stress - we step in. Their well being and OUR well being as a family trumps ANY practice, game, or tournament.
That's it my friends. We are not perfect. We have messed up and learned the hard way more times than I can count....but this is what is working for us in this season of life.
(Dinner TOGETHER after a weekend of basketball and soccer tournaments)
"Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least"
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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