Parenting isn't for Sissies.

A friend and I were texting back and forth this morning.  We were discussing some challenges we've been facing as parents.  As the conversation winded down she text me and and thanked me for my encouraging words.  My response....

"Mamas NEED to encourage one another.  This gig isn't for sissies!"

The longer I am a Mama the more I realize how true that statement is.

Parenting my children when they were younger was fairly easy for me.  I knew what kind of mother I wanted to be.  I had thoroughly thought through what paths I was going to take regarding their upbringing at a young age.  Decisions were made quickly and easily as they were presented to me.

I knew I wanted them on a schedule as an infant.
I knew I didn't want them eating sweets until they were 2 years old.
I knew I wanted them to eat healthy in general....not many sweets in the house.
I knew I wanted to be a very "hands on" mom.
I knew I wanted to make special milestones in their lives magical for them.
I knew I only wanted them to have 1 year of Preschool.

I could go on and on...

Like I said, most things were very black and white for me.  I was still very much in control of their lives and what was going on around them.

As my children have gotten older it's not quite so easy and it's DEFINITELY not quite so black and white.  The questions are so much harder and they seem to come at me faster.  They are no longer immersed in the world I have cocooned around them....they are now immersed in the REAL world.  People other than Matt and I are influencing them and peer pressure is hitting them right on the forehead.

Just a few examples....

This past week Eva was invited to a skating party.  I agreed to let her go (even though I did not know the parents well).  The party was cancelled due to a snow storm.  The dad emailed me and said that they are now planning a "mega-sleepover".  My heart sank.  I looked at Eva and told her that she is welcome to go to the party....but I would not be letting her sleepover.  I do not know this little girls family at all.  I don't know what kinds of things they allow in their home or don't allow.  I have not built a level of trust with them that would make me feel comfortable with Eva spending the night.  Luckily, Eva was understanding about the whole thing.

Jaden loves to play Minecraft on the Xbox.  He has been asking me for MONTHS to play "Live" on it because you are able to do so much more.  My initial gut instinct was "no" because of safety reasons.  However, in an attempt to be fair I agreed to look into it since I don't know much about video games.  After just a small amount of research I realized there was NO WAY I was allowing him to go "Live" for a LOT of reasons.  So I had to break the news to him.....even though "all of his friends" get to play "Live".

Eva has been asking for a TV in her room.  At first I giggled and told her we have about 10 TV's scattered all over this house in various areas.  She doesn't NEED a TV.  If she wants to watch something there is always a TV available somewhere!  Then she explained it's because so many of her friends have TV's in their rooms.  They get to watch whatever they want whenever they want.  It was then that I had to sit down and explain to her my real reason for not wanting her to have a TV in her room at age 10.....I simply love to be around her too much!!  I have seen children that eat dinner and then retreat to their rooms for the night to watch TV.  Being a preteen, Eva does retreat to her room (and I try my best to make sure she has the space she needs) but she is often reading or writing or playing her guitar.  It's something creative.  When she's not doing those things she is with US....and well....I love it when she is with us.  I am just not willing to give that up yet at age 10.

Last example...as a preteen, Eva has decided that when she is mad at me she simply stops talking to me.  COMPLETELY stops talking to me.  I can occasionally get a shrug out of her,  but not much more.  While this drives me absolutely BONKERS (and my instinct is to come down hard) I have decided to pick my battles.  As long as she is not being rude and is not disrespecting others (brothers, guests, etc) I simply let it go.   Like all things, this too shall pass.

These, my friends, are just a small glimpse at a few of the issues we've tackled THIS WEEK.   That being said, I know it's also just going to get harder.  The teenage years are coming!!!

My hope - and prayer - is that I have put in the time and the effort each day that my children know that decisions we make are made out of love.  I want them to know we care, but that we aren't perfect.  This whole parenting thing is new for us too....and every day is another adventure.

"Children are not casual guests in our home.  They have been loaned to us temporarily for the purpose of loving them and instilling a foundation of values on which their future lives will be built"

--James Dobson